I know that along with being a parent comes guilt. I've realized this from the day my babies were born, feeling guilty about letting the nurses take care of them at night or when bringing them home realizing I let too many hours pass before changing a diaper. I know that it is just part of being a mom but i hate how somedays at the end of the day i feel guilty over the things i didn't do with my children.
Most days I am 100% devoted to my kids but I do have my off days. Sometimes I am tired or cranky and don't have the patience or the energy to put my all into them. Is that being a lazy parent?
Today all Caiden wanted to do was play in the basement and I kept putting it off and when i finally did go down to play with him it only lasted about 20 minutes before I decided we needed to come upstairs to play something else. I feel like my patience with him somedays just isn't fair to him. Granted he is testing me every minute anymore and not listening at all but before Hailey was born I would sit down and spend all the time in the world catering to anything he needed, now all that time isn't there. It is consumed with chasing a 1 year old all over and trying to get my 4 yr old to listen.
Somedays i feel like i spend more time disiplining and yelling at him than i do playing with him. I think that the change in his attitude and personality is my fault. I need to find someway to spend more quality "big boy" time with him. Doing things that we used to do just me, him and Brad. I have been saying this for awhile but I've noticed it more lately and something really needs to change.
I hate feeling like this at the end of the day. I just want to go in and wake him and tell him I love him and that we'll play all day tomorrow (but i wont), instead i'll just kiss him quietly and try harder tomorrow!