Tuesday, August 21, 2007

That Guilty Feeling

I know that along with being a parent comes guilt. I've realized this from the day my babies were born, feeling guilty about letting the nurses take care of them at night or when bringing them home realizing I let too many hours pass before changing a diaper. I know that it is just part of being a mom but i hate how somedays at the end of the day i feel guilty over the things i didn't do with my children.
Most days I am 100% devoted to my kids but I do have my off days. Sometimes I am tired or cranky and don't have the patience or the energy to put my all into them. Is that being a lazy parent?
Today all Caiden wanted to do was play in the basement and I kept putting it off and when i finally did go down to play with him it only lasted about 20 minutes before I decided we needed to come upstairs to play something else. I feel like my patience with him somedays just isn't fair to him. Granted he is testing me every minute anymore and not listening at all but before Hailey was born I would sit down and spend all the time in the world catering to anything he needed, now all that time isn't there. It is consumed with chasing a 1 year old all over and trying to get my 4 yr old to listen.
Somedays i feel like i spend more time disiplining and yelling at him than i do playing with him. I think that the change in his attitude and personality is my fault. I need to find someway to spend more quality "big boy" time with him. Doing things that we used to do just me, him and Brad. I have been saying this for awhile but I've noticed it more lately and something really needs to change.
I hate feeling like this at the end of the day. I just want to go in and wake him and tell him I love him and that we'll play all day tomorrow (but i wont), instead i'll just kiss him quietly and try harder tomorrow!

12 comments:

Gina said...

Yes, I can completely relate. It really is all about balance isn't it? When my kids are in bed I think of all those opportunities I could have taken to be with them or read to them. And then I try to do better the next day. Little by little. Being aware of wanting to be a better mommy is so huge. That proves you are a great mommy.

Shana said...

Oh hun, I think we all have days like this. I know that I do. When Caleb was 4 and Brayden was still less than one, some nights after I got them in bed I would set down and cry. I felt all I had done was yell at Caleb and tell him no. When you have two or more you have to find they right balance and it is hard somedays. But I agree with Gina "Being aware of wanting to be a better mommy is so huge. That proves you are a great mommy."

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Deb - Mom of 3 Girls said...

Oh boy, I could've written that post about my 6-year-old. And my 4-year-old too. I get so fed up with them sometimes and I only get to spend a few hours a day with them, so I feel even more guilty... I guess you're right that all we can do is try a bit harder the next day. :)

Kerry said...

I was just talking to a friend about this. I can so relate...every night it seems I lay in bed feeling guilty about what I didn't do too! But like you said all you can do is try better tomorrow. And knowing so many others feel this way makes me feel better...knowing I'm not the only one.

Lately, we've had so much rain and we've been indoors a lot. Jacob is bored, I'm bored but I don't want to go buy more new toys! I just don't know what to do w/ him sometimes!

Stam House said...

thanks for this post and your openness!

pinks & blues girls said...

Oh Kelley, I can't tell you how often I've seen the pictures of you and your children, or videos of you playing with them, and said to myself, "She is a FANTASTIC mother!"

Obviously, you are going to have your cranky or "off" days, or days when you don't feel like you're doing your "best"... but let me tell you - you are doing a fabulous job and your children will someday look back at their childhood and say, "Wow, Mom did a great job."

They'll remember the little things... the fun you had just out in the yard or just acting silly together!! And the fact that, looking at the big picture, you are always doing a great job just because you care about being the best mom you can be!

Jane, P&B Girls

we are reilly said...

I feel your guilt! I work part-time outside of the house and I feel so bad on the days that I am home and all I want to do is rest and lounge around, because it's MY day too, ya know!

I think you/we're intitled to some 'down' time and some "what I want to do time". I don't think your children will remember your cranky days (as long as it's not consistent) -- they'll remember ALL the fun you've had as a family!!

You're doing GREAT - even if it's just because you've realized your weakness and are willing to address it -- keep up the GREAT parenting!

dwiebes said...

You don't know me from Adam but I just want to encourage you. I'm expecting my fourth and my oldest if five. I love all of my children, but the one on one time isn't there when you have a few of them. The thing that I found helped us the most was to get them involved in what I am doing. They help fold the laundry and cook and tidy up rooms. I know it doesn't sound like a lot of fun, but the are working beside you and spending time with you. And when they're older the help you get from it frees up more time so that you can do more "family" focused things. I hope this helps. BTW, we don't just do chores all day, some days may feel like it, but we don't!

Stam House said...

Your the winner!!!!!!of the wrap you could email me at harryandrenee@gmail.com to give me your adress etc...

erin said...

thank you for being honest. I honestly feel like that alot. I too think knowing your struggles makes you a great mommy because you understand those are areas you need to work on. Your doing a great job

Drea said...

agh! right there with you. your not alone. I thought forsure calebs fussyness would go away once he hit 3. LOL Nope.
He does this whining thing that I know he got from Taite... that drives me loopy! I cannot tell you how many times I tell him in a day "use your words."

hang in there.
Your a good mom. They should be thankful for you... and Brad should be thankful for a wife like you as well.

Haley-O said...

I totally hear you!! And, yeah, tomorrow's another day. No guilt, though. Guilt=bad. I'm telling that to myself, too, of course!