Friday, August 22, 2014

A Last Time for Everything

I saw this today and it completely made me stop everything I was doing and pretty much breakdown.  I am, for the most part, a very strong person, it takes alot to get me worked up. But reading this really hit home. So many of these things have already been a last time thing for me and my children.
I remember the up all nights and the night time feedings and at the time I was exhausted from it but now looking back, what I would give to have that moment of feeding your baby and them just starring up at you like you are the only person they need in the world. Rocking and singing them to sleep knowing that your voice was the one they waited for to be able to drift off to sleep...those days are over for me.
I remember both my children always wanting to be held, to be in my arms, and to be honest I think I held both of them much longer than I should've, but they were my babies I didn't want to give that up...those days are over for me.
Our song for both kids was "you are my sunshine" they both loved it and we always did the hand motions to it. Hailey used to want me or Brad to sing it to her while rubbing her arm before bed each night. It has been a long time since she has asked for that and even longer since Caiden has...those days are over for me.
It does make me happy to see though that even at Caidens age of 11 1/2, he still holds my hand when we walk, not in the way that he needs my help or my guidance but more in the way of just wanting to be near me. Hailey is the same, no matter where we are walking at, one or sometimes both of them grab my hand 
I do like knowing that my kids are independent and can do things on their own but its nice to still feel needed also. They both at times still wander into my room to cuddle, Hailey more than Caiden and I will always allow it because who knows when that next time will be the last. 

From the moment you hold your baby in your arms you will never be the same
You might long for the person you were before
When you had freedom and time
And nothing in particular to worry about
You will know tiredness like you never knew it before
And days will run into days that are exactly the same
Full of feedings and burping
Nappy changes and crying
Whining and fighting
Naps or a lack of naps
It might seem like a never-ending cycle
But don’t forget….
There is a last time for everything
There will come a time when you will feed your baby for the very last time
They will fall asleep on you after a long day
And it will be the last time you ever hold your sleeping child
One day you will carry them on your hip then set them down
And never pick them up that way again
You will scrub their hair in the bath one night
And from that day on they will want to bathe alone
They will hold your hand to cross the road
Then never reach for it again
They will creep into your room at midnight for cuddles
And it will be the last night you ever wake to this
One afternoon you will sing “the wheels on the bus” and do all the actions
Then never sing them that song again
They will kiss you goodbye at the school gate
The next day they will ask to walk to the gate alone
You will read a final bedtime story and wipe your last dirty face
They will run to you with arms raised for the very last time.
The thing is, you won’t even know it’s the last time
Until there are no more times. And even then, it will take you a while to realise.
So while you are living in these times, remember there are only so many of them and when they are gone, you will yearn for just one more day of them.
For one last time.